#420: “You find out about your life in bits and pieces.”

An interview with Larissa MacFarquhar, author of “The Fog: Living in Adoption’s Emotional Aftermath”

Welcome, new subscribers, and welcome back, loyal readers! I’m happy you’re here.

⭐️ Before we get started: If you live near Oakland, join me and fellow Article Clubbers at an in-person gathering on Thursday, Nov. 30, at Room 389, beginning at 5:30 pm. It’s a great way to connect with other thoughtful readers and chat about the articles. It’d be wonderful to see you. Here’s more info and where you can get your free ticket.

Today’s issue is dedicated to an interview with Larissa MacFarquhar, the author of “The Fog: Living in Adoption’s Emotional Aftermath,” November’s article of the month.

Originally published in The New Yorker in April, the piece profiles three adoptees who have come out of “the fog,” or the denial of the trauma of being adopted. Not all adoptees have mixed or negative emotions, but many do.

They seek their birth parents but are lied to; they can’t obtain their original birth certificates; they’re told they should be happy they’re adopted when their feelings are complicated; they find the adoption system corrupt; they feel like they’re living a double life, estranged from the person they really are.

By focusing on the lives of Deanna, Joy, and Angela, the article also discusses the history and problems of three categories of adoption: invisible (or closed) adoptions, transracial adoptions, and international adoptions.

If you haven’t read it yet, I urge you to do so — and to join our discussion on December 3, if you’re moved.

Join our discussion

I got a chance to interview Ms. MacFarquhar last Friday, and it was an honor. I won’t give everything away, because it’s better to listen, but we discussed a number of topics, including:

  • how Ms. MacFarquhar became interested in adoption after exploring the problems of the foster care system

  • how being adopted is a profoundly different way of being human than growing up with one’s biological family

  • how many adoptees feel they’re not real, that their stories are scrambled, that their identities are disorientating, and that they learn about themselves bit by bit

  • how although adoption is sometimes the best outcome for a child, our society should be more supportive of birth parents who love and want to keep their kids

Most of all, it became abundantly clear in our conversation that Ms. MacFarquhar is a thoughtful reporter and writer. Her approach to profiling is exquisite; she tells her subjects’ stories directly and with compassion. And no matter your background knowledge on adoption, and no matter your lived experience, this is an article that is worth your time and attention.

Thank you for listening to this week’s episode. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 3 new subscribers — including Jennifer and Bernice — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (Hunter! Hudson! Hakeem!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Naya, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

If you like Article Club, please help it grow. I really appreciate your support. Here are two ways you can help out:

❤️ Become a paid subscriber, like Christopher (thank you). If you’ve subscribed for free for a long time, and you appreciate the articles and author interviews, or if you’ve joined one or more discussions, I encourage you to take the leap. You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value the mission of Article Club. Plus you’ll receive surprise perks and prizes. It’s $5 a month or $36 a year.

📬 Invite your friends to subscribe. Know someone who’s kind, thoughtful, and loves to read? I’d love it if you encouraged them to subscribe. Word of mouth is by far the best way to strengthen our reading community. Thank you for spreading the word.

Share Article Club

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.

#419: The Rise of Homeschooling

Plus: Listen to Melinda and me introduce “The Fog,“ November’s article of the month

Welcome, new subscribers, and welcome back, loyal readers! I’m happy you’re here.

This week, let’s read and talk about homeschooling. I’ve been in education for 25-plus years, so I’ve seen trends come and go. But homeschooling is definitely here to stay, whether we like it or not. (I don’t think I like it, but I’ll keep my views out of this.)

In typical Article Club fashion, I’ve chosen pieces that explore the topic of homeschooling from several vantage points. Here they are:

I hope that this week’s articles resonate with you. If they do, I encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings in the comments. Don’t worry: We don’t need to have a hot debate about the pros and cons of homeschooling. Remember the point of Article Club is to learn, take on ideas, connect, and expand our empathy.

Leave a comment

⭐️ Join us for this month’s discussion of ““The Fog: Living in Adoption’s Emotional Aftermath,” Sunday, December 3. We’ll meet from 2:00 to 3:30 pm on Zoom. It’d be great to have you.

Originally published in The New Yorker in April, the piece profiles three adoptees who have come out of “the fog,” or the denial of the trauma of being adopted. Not all adoptees have mixed or negative emotions, but many do.

It’s a deep, important piece, especially if you’re an adoptee or an adoptive parent. I also recommend this article if you’re unfamiliar with issues relating to adoption and if you’re interested in building your empathy.

On the fence? Listen to fellow Article Clubber Melinda and I chat about the piece in this podcast episode. Don’t worry, there aren’t major spoilers, plus Melinda is great. Besides, listening might spur you to sign up for the discussion.

All right, have we convinced you? If so, it’s time to sign up! I’m looking forward to seeing you there. (Also, feel free to ask me questions about how it works.)

Sign up for the discussion

1️⃣ Tune In, Drop Out, Homeschool

You simply can’t go wrong reading an article by Lauren Markham. She’s one of my favorite Article Club writers of all time. Her writing is funny and incisive. She understands education through and through. She’s able to capture people’s silliness and seriousness at the same time. And always, she asks the big questions — like, What is school really for? — as she does in this brilliant piece.

Why is homeschooling booming right now? Let me count the ways, she writes:

Because, like Pauline, they are guided by Christ and want to integrate the gospel into their lessons. Because, like Trisha believes, children shouldn’t be at desks all day, and they learn best when their interests guide the curriculum rather than the other way around. Because schools are racist. Because schools require vaccinations. Because they are afraid their children will get COVID. Because schools are increasingly banning books. Because schools are teaching books that parents find inappropriate or offensive. Because of school shootings. Because schools teach stuff that is wildly irrelevant for the future in a world that is vastly remaking itself before our eyes. Because schools are failing, as evidenced by crap test scores and national teacher shortages. Because schools aren’t challenging students enough. Because of bullying. Because schools have a “trans agenda.” Because schools are pawns of the educational-industrial complex. Because schools are pawns of the woke agenda. Because schools are hostile to trans children. Because schools don’t serve neurodiverse children well. Because of the school-to-prison pipeline. Because school is about more than memorization. Because childhood is something to be honored and preserved. Because there’s only a short period of time to spend with our children, and why send them away all day? Because, because, because.

I hope you read this article. And if you do, I’d love to hear what you think. Feel free to leave a comment or email me directly.

By Lauren Markham • The Believer • 37 min

Read the article

2️⃣ The Rise of Homeschooling

Do you ever find yourself in a conversation about an important topic and nobody seems to know any of the basic facts? I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of this dynamic. That’s why I’m including this informative explainer about homeschooling, which clearly makes the case that homeschooling’s rise is robust even after the pandemic. For example: Since the 2017-18 school year, homeschooling is up 78 percent in California and 103 percent in New York. Florida leads the charge, of course, but I was surprised: Homeschooling is everywhere. Want to know how things are looking in your own school district? Check out the article’s interactive feature and find out.

By Peter Jamison and team • The Washington Post • 10 mins

Read the article

Lauren Markham is no stranger to Article Club. Her “The Crow Whisperer” was featured in 2021, and her “Our School” was my favorite article of 2017.

Lauren Markham is no stranger to Article Club. Her “The Crow Whisperer” was featured in 2021, and her “Our School” was my favorite article of 2017.

3️⃣ Resisting White-Washed History In Schools

Once seen as the domain of white, conservative families, homeschooling has become a more popular option for Black parents and their children. They’re fed up with white teachers not believing in their kids. They’re tired of schools that don’t have basic resources. They’re frustrated about the whitewashing of their history classes. More and more Black parents are saying, “Enough is enough.”

Journalist Katie Reilly writes:

For Shari Rohan, it was a social-studies lesson that described enslaved people receiving “on-the-job training.” For Zanetta Lamar, it was the fact that her son was the only Black student in his grade. For Andrea Thomas, it was realizing just how little she had learned about Black history while attending both public and private schools. “I did not want my children to have that same experience.”

By Katie Reilly • Time Magazine • 13 mins

Read the article

4️⃣ Why Liberal Parents Are Opting for Homeschooling

They never thought they’d take their kids out of school. That’s for white conservative evangelical anti-vaxxers, they assumed. But then Florida passed the Parental Rights in Education Act, often described as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill. Then they found out their kids’ teachers could no longer teach about slavery, or else their children would feel uncomfortable. The final straw was learning that their trans son could not longer use the boys’ bathroom. For these liberal white parents, they know that homeschooling is seen as giving up or selling out — so much so, they don’t want to tell their friends, out of shame. But they just can’t stomach school anymore.

By Charley Locke • Businessweek • 11 mins

Read the article

Thank you for reading this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 7 new subscribers — Steven, Fatemeh, and Ana — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (James! Jim! Jimmy!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Marla, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

If you like Article Club, please help it grow. I really appreciate your support. Here are two ways you can help out:

❤️ Become a paid subscriber, like Betty (thank you). If you’ve subscribed for free for a long time, and you appreciate the articles and author interviews, or if you’ve joined one or more discussions, I encourage you to take the leap. You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value the mission of Article Club. Plus you’ll receive surprise perks and prizes. It’s $5 a month or $36 a year.

📬 Invite your friends to subscribe. Know someone who’s kind, thoughtful, and loves to read? I’d love it if you encouraged them to subscribe. Word of mouth is by far the best way to strengthen our reading community. Thank you for spreading the word.

Share Article Club

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.

#418: The Fog of Adoption

Join us this month to discuss Larissa MacFarquhar’s outstanding article on adoption

Happy November, loyal readers. I’m excited to announce that this month, we’ll be reading and discussing “The Fog: Living in Adoption’s Emotional Aftermath,” by Larissa MacFarquhar.

It’s a deep, important piece, especially if you’re an adoptee or an adoptive parent. I also recommend this article if you’re unfamiliar with issues relating to adoption and if you’re interested in building your empathy.

Originally published in The New Yorker in April, the piece profiles three adoptees who have come out of “the fog,” or the denial of the trauma of being adopted. Not all adoptees have mixed or negative emotions, but many do.

They seek their birth parents but are lied to; they can’t obtain their original birth certificates; they’re told they should be happy they’re adopted when their feelings are complicated; they find the adoption system corrupt; they feel like they’re living a double life, estranged from the person they really are.

By focusing on the lives of Deanna, Joy, and Angela, the article also discusses the history and problems of three categories of adoption: invisible (or closed) adoptions, transracial adoptions, and international adoptions.

Ms. MacFarquhar writes:

“Coming out of the fog” means different things to different adoptees. It can mean realizing that the obscure, intermittent unhappiness or bewilderment you have felt since childhood is not a personality trait but something shared by others who are adopted. It can mean realizing that you were a good, hardworking child partly out of a need to prove that your parents were right to choose you, or a sense that it was your job to make your parents happy, or a fear that if you weren’t good your parents would give you away, like the first ones did. It can mean coming to feel that not knowing anything about the people whose bodies made yours is strange and disturbing. It can mean seeing that you and your parents were brought together not only by choice or Providence but by a vast, powerful, opaque system with its own history and purposes. Those who have come out of the fog say that doing so is not just disorienting but painful, and many think back longingly to the time before they had such thoughts.

Some adoptees dislike the idea of the fog, because it suggests that an adoptee who doesn’t feel the way that out-of-the-fog adoptees do must be deluded. And it’s true; many out-of-the-fog adoptees do believe that. They point out that a person can feel fine about their adoption for most of their life and then some event—pregnancy, the death of a parent—will reveal to them that they were not fine at all. But there are many others who reject this—who aren’t interested in searching for their birth parents, and think about their adoption only rarely in the course of their life.

I loved this article for many reasons. One was how much I learned. Though I have many friends who are adoptees and adoptive parents, and though I have tried to understand their experiences, I’ve remained fairly ignorant of the pain that some of them have suffered. Another reason was Ms. MacFarquhar’s compelling prose. The piece is long, but I was riveted from beginning to end because the author holds Deanna, Joy, and Angela with compassion and tells their stories directly. There’s no fluff. Every sentence is about honoring their lives and experiences.

Read the article

I’d love it if you read the article and joined our discussion on December 3. It’s our last discussion of the year. If you’re interested, this is how things will go:

  • This week, we’ll read the article

  • Next week, we’ll annotate the article as a group and share our first impressions

  • The following week, we’ll hear from Ms. MacFarquhar in a podcast interview

  • On Sunday, December 3, 2:00 - 3:30 pm PT, we’ll discuss the article on Zoom

Join our discussion on Dec. 3

If this will be your first time participating in Article Club, I’m 100% sure you’ll find that you’ll feel welcome. We’re a kind, thoughtful reading community. Feel free to reach out with all of your questions.

Also exciting, as with all Article Club monthly selections, the author will be participating in the festivities, recording a podcast episode for your listening pleasure. Ms. MacFarquhar has been a staff writer at The New Yorker since 1998. She has written about child-protective services, the battered-women’s movement, dementia, and hospice care, and her Profile subjects have included Barack Obama, Noam Chomsky, and David Chang, among many others. She is the author of Strangers Drowning: Impossible Idealism, Drastic Choices, and the Urge to Help. Before joining the magazine, she was a senior editor at Lingua Franca and an advisory editor at The Paris Review, and wrote for Artforum, The Nation, The New Republic, the Times Book Review, Slate, and other publications. She has received two Front Page Awards from the Newswomen’s Club of New York and the Johnson & Johnson Excellence in Media Award. Her writing has appeared in The Best American Political Writing and The Best American Food Writing.

So what do you think? Interested in reading the article and joining our discussion this month? Hope so! If you’re still a maybe, here are a few questions for you. If you’re a yes to one or more of them, you‘re a great candidate.

  • Are you an adoptee or an adoptive parent?

  • Or, Are you friends with an adoptee or adoptive parent and want to learn more about their experiences?

  • Do you find yourself mostly ignorant about our country’s adoption system and want to build your empathy?

Sign up for the discussion on Dec. 3

Here are my highlights and annotations of the article’s first page.

Thank you for reading this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 3 new subscribers — Cable, Gerhard, and Raquel — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (Harry! Henri! Henry!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Lena, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

If you like Article Club, please help it grow. I really appreciate your support. Here are two ways you can help out:

❤️ Become a paid subscriber, like Arlene (thank you). If you’ve subscribed for free for a long time, and you appreciate the articles and author interviews, or if you’ve joined one or more discussions, I encourage you to take the leap. You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value the mission of Article Club. Plus you’ll receive surprise perks and prizes. It’s $5 a month or $36 a year.

📬 Invite your friends to subscribe. Know someone who’s kind, thoughtful, and loves to read? I’d love it if you encouraged them to subscribe. Word of mouth is by far the best way to strengthen our reading community. Thank you for spreading the word.

Share Article Club

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.

#417: Scams

Two scam artists and the schemes they concocted

Welcome, new subscribers, and welcome back, loyal readers! I’m happy you’re here.

Today’s issue is about scams. Nobody likes being scammed. That’s for sure. But reading about a good scam? That’s different. What is about scams that allures and captivates us? For me, it’s knowing that unless I keep my wits about me, I’m a gullible target. (Ask me about the time I almost agreed to pay for a “free” Steinway grand piano offered by a recent widower in Oklahoma.)

I think you’ll enjoy this week’s articles. There are just two this time, so I challenge you to try both. They include:

  • a warning not to use Zelle to pay for your $31,500 new swimming pool

  • a man who thinks you can live forever (hint: don’t eat solid food)

Do you have a good scam story to share? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

Leave a comment

1️⃣ The Great Zelle Pool Scam

The moral of this story is never get a pool, and if you do, it’s best not to pay by Zelle. Even the idea of having a pool “made me feel a little bit like an asshole to be honest,” David Friedman writes in this hilarious article. “But what is life if not a long march toward losing all your morals?”

After getting over the shame of it all, Mr. Friedman and his wife hire a man named Gary Kruglitz, owner of Royal Palace Pools and Spas. From the beginning, something is off about Gary. Like many contractors, he’s often not responsive. His communication is laconic and intermittent. Mr. Friedman writes:

I wouldn't say Gary is perplexed by this modern world we find ourselves living in as much as he might not be aware it exists. Sometimes when you talk to him, he’ll look up from his papers, turn in your direction, and blink, like a bird that has heard something in the underbrush.

Most distressing, there are long delays. Months pass. So when Gary finally replies and says he’s ready to dig the pool, Mr. Friedman and his wife are eager. So eager, in fact, that they don’t question Gary when he says that he wants the $31,500 paid via Zelle, sent in several daily installments. The rest of this caper, I’ll let you read!

By Devin Friedman • Business Insider • 20 min

Read the article

2️⃣ The Man Who Thinks He Can Live Forever

Bryan Johnson is a 46-year-old millionaire who lives in Venice, California, and believes he is going to live forever. He has a system he says is working for him. It includes swallowing 111 pills a day, not eating solid food, always sleeping alone, shooting red light into his scalp, and analyzing his erections and samples of his stool. So far, Mr. Johnson is happy with his results: His doctor says he has the bones of a 30-year-old and the heart of a 37-year-old. But more can be done, of course. He’s seeking the “next evolution of being human.” Other medical experts, on the other hand, call him “pale” and find his claims of everlasting life delusional. “I don’t really care what people in our time and place think of me,” Mr. Johnson says. “I really care about what the 25th century thinks.”

By Charlotte Alter • Time • 21 mins

Read the article

Thank you for reading this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 5 new subscribers — including Gee, Raffaello, and Guido — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (Sara! Sarah! Saara!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Kevin, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

If you like Article Club, please help it grow. I really appreciate your support. Here are two ways you can help out:

📬 Invite your friends to subscribe. Know someone who’s kind, thoughtful, and loves to read? I’d love it if you encouraged them to subscribe. Word of mouth is by far the best way to strengthen our reading community. Thank you for spreading the word.

Share Article Club

❤️ Become a paid subscriber, like Nina just did (thank you!). I’m biased, but I personally think it’s worth it, if you can afford it. You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value Article Club. Plus you’ll gain access to our monthly discussions, our monthly quiet reading hours, and my personal audio letters from me to you. It’s $5 a month or $36 a year.

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.

#416: Human Connections

Three poignant stories about humans and the connections they make

Happy Thursday. Last week’s interview with Dashka Slater was a big hit. Thank you for listening and signing up for our discussion of her outstanding article, “The Instagram Account That Shattered A California High School.” We’re meeting on October 29 at 2 pm PT. There are two slots left if you’re interested.

Sign up for our discussion

Now let’s get to this week’s issue. Long-time readers have sometimes told me, “Mark, I love the articles you choose, but why do they have to be so serious all the time?” It’s true: I love reading pieces that are big and take on serious subjects about systems and structures and why things are the way they are.

But this time, let’s turn things around and focus on three regular stories about three regular humans. I think they’re wonderful. You’ll meet a mover in New York City who loves to help people. You’ll meet a man named Dan whose dad is distant. And you’ll meet a big-hearted mom who doesn’t want her daughter to die.

My hope is that at least one of these stories will move you and remind you of the power of human connection. You’re always encouraged to share your thoughts below. Hope you have a good weekend ahead.

Leave a comment

1️⃣ A New York City Mover Who Carries More Than Your Boxes

Just by listening to him, it’s clear that Adonis Williams is a good, generous person. He’s a mover in New York City. Over the last 20 years, he has moved 3,500 people. With each move, Adonis has caught a glimpse of a life in transition.

He says there are happy moves and sad moves. The happy moves involve getting a bigger place, or couples moving in together, or kids going off to college. But then there are the sad moves — with sad stories of divorce, break-ups, and eviction.

Adonis talks with his customers about it all. “You become the bartender or the taxi driver that they need to vent to.”

By Anna Sale • Death, Sex & Money • 33 min • Apple Podcasts • Transcript

Listen to the podcast

2️⃣ Dan

Nineteen years ago, Dan went on a first date with a woman named Nancy. In many ways, it was a typical first date. (Evidence: They went to dinner at a restaurant.) But for at least two reasons, it was not typical:

  1. Things actually went well! (Dan and Nancy are married now.)

  2. At the end of the meal, a stranger took their picture and kept the photograph.

Now Dan wants the photo back. But who has it? With host Jonathan Goldstein’s help, Dan finds out. But there’s a problem. In order to get the photo, Dan will have to face the last person he wants to.

By Jonathan Goldstein • Heavyweight • 38 min • Apple Podcasts

Listen to the podcast

Ollie, who belongs to loyal reader Kati, is an Article Club Hall of Famer. In addition to taking human shoes outside, Ollie likes sticking out his tongue. Want your pet to appear here? Nominate them! hltr.co/pets

3️⃣ The Call

In Issue #412, I featured an article about a woman named Jessica Blanchard who volunteers for a hotline whose goal is to prevent drug users from overdosing. After I shared the piece, loyal reader Ben reached out. “Wasn’t that a podcast?” he asked. Indeed it was, and it’s beautiful. Hope you take a listen.

Here’s my blurb about the article. The podcast episode is even better.

Kimber King came close to dying after she overdosed on fentanyl the day after she got out of rehab. She survived because she called Never Use Alone, a hotline and nonprofit that focuses on ending accidental overdose mortality. Its motto is, “No stigma. No judgment. Just love.” This well-written article profiles volunteer Jessica Blanchard, who answered the phone and quickly noticed Kimber was in danger. Her training as a nurse certainly helped, of course. But so did Ms. Blanchard’s intuition and personal experience; her daughter has overdosed 11 times. “When you call,” she said, “my hope is that you’re speaking in print. Nice print, second-grade letters. You’re gonna use, you may move to cursive, you may move to calligraphy. I try to keep you out of the hieroglyphics. I can’t understand that,” she said. The paramedics made it just in time. Kimber calls Ms. Blanchard mama now.

By Mary Harris • This American Life • 61 min • Apple Podcasts • Transcript

Listen to the podcast

Thank you for reading this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 10 new subscribers — including Maryanne, Jess, Jenny, Brooke, Elaine, Claudia, and Natalia — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (Ramona! Ruby! Rhett!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Jason, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

If you like Article Club, please help it grow. I really appreciate your support. Here are two ways you can help out:

📬 Invite your friends to subscribe. Know someone who’s kind, thoughtful, and loves to read? I’d love it if you encouraged them to subscribe. Word of mouth is by far the best way to strengthen our reading community. Thank you for spreading the word.

Share Article Club

❤️ Become a paid subscriber, like Rénee and Maryanne just did (thank you!). I’m biased, but I personally think it’s worth it, if you can afford it. You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value Article Club. Plus you’ll gain access to our monthly discussions, our monthly quiet reading hours, and my personal audio letters from me to you. It’s $5 a month or $36 a year.

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.

How come I get to interview these great writers?

A very legitimate question! — plus 3 lessons I’ve learned along the way

Dear VIPs,

Thank you for being paid subscribers and for supporting me and Article Club.

Today I have for you an audio letter, where I share some of my thoughts on interviewing. As in: How come I get to talk to these great writers? and What have I learned in the process?

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while. But my thoughts came together today as I was editing this month’s interview with Dashka Slater about her article, “The Instagram Account that Shattered a California High School.”

Arlo, Article Club’s mascot, is a very eager listener.

In this audio letter, I talk about three things I’ve learned over the course of interviewing 41 authors (along with the support of Sarai, Melinda, Anne, and Lauri, who have collaborated with me). They are:

  1. Doing my homework

  2. Listening

  3. Being myself

These steps sound commonsensical, but at least for me, they’re easier said than done. I hope you’ll listen to my musings.

Also: I’d love to hear what you think. Please leave a comment below.

Leave a comment

Have a great week, and happy reading,

Mark

PS - Want to listen to these audio letters (and all other AC-related audio) on your phone? Click “listen on” to the right of the player above, then click “email link” to receive the private, subscriber-only RSS feed. Go to your phone, find the email from Substack, and click “add to podcast app.” Voila!

#415: “How do you take in the harm that you‘ve caused?”

An interview with Dashka Slater, author of “The Instagram Account that Shattered a California High School”

Welcome, new subscribers, and welcome back, loyal readers! I’m happy you’re here.

Today’s issue is dedicated to an interview with Dashka Slater, the author of “The Instagram Account that Shattered a California High School,” October’s article of the month.

Originally published in The New York Times Magazine in August, the piece explores a racist social media account created at a Bay Area high school in 2017 and its repercussions on young people and their community. The piece also raises the question: What does accountability really mean?

If you haven’t read it yet, I urge you to do so — and to join our discussion on October 29, if you’re moved.

Join our discussion

I got a chance to interview Ms. Slater a few weeks back with fellow Article Clubber Melinda. It was an honor. I won’t give everything away, because it’s better to listen, but we discussed a number of topics, including:

  • how edgy humor is a premium in boy culture, how it causes harm, and how masculinity is contested terrority right now

  • how even in progressive places like the Bay Area, we think of accountability as punishment — that justice is balancing out the pain someone else has caused

  • how kids have a strong sense of justice, and how they want to do the right thing, but that they need guidance from their teachers and parents

  • how we as adults often don’t know what we’re doing, and how our own emotions get in the way of supporting our children

Most of all, it became abundantly clear in our conversation that Ms. Slater is a thoughtful and compassionate reporter and writer. She sees nuance and complexity. She doesn’t throw anyone under the bus. She gets to know people and writes with a ton of empathy. But this is not to say that Ms. Slater is wishy-washy or doesn’t have strong feelings about what happened at Albany High School. She does. She just understands that healing does not come via punishment.

One of the hardest things for anybody, any human, is to take a breath and say, I don’t know. And I think that was really lacking in Albany and in most places in a time of crisis, because everybody’s having emotions and they want immediate action. And as a result, there was a lot of action that wasn‘t very well informed with all the dynamics that it took me five years to reconstruct.

So I always say, the first thing is don‘t rush. Because there‘s a lot that you don‘t know. And the more you talk, the less you‘re listening in general. I think the other piece for adults is to not become the story. We often forget in our relationships with young people that we are not the story, and our job is to be teachers, coaches, mentors. We are supposed to assist.

Thank you for reading this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 7 new subscribers — including Dave, Janina, Anna, Shoshana, and Kerry — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (Lauri! Lori! Larry!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Quan, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

❤️ If you like Article Club, I encourage you to become a paid subscriber. If you’ve subscribed for free for a long time, and you appreciate the articles and author interviews, and if you’ve joined one or more discussions, I encourage you to take the plunge. You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value the mission of Article Club. Plus you’ll receive personal audio letters, invites to events, and other perks and prizes. It costs $5 a month or $36 a year.

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.

#414: The Kids

Are we doing enough to support them?

Welcome, new subscribers, and welcome back, loyal readers! I’m happy you’re here.

This week’s issue is about young people. I know that “the kids are all right,” but I’m not as sure we adults are doing our proper part right now. For example:

  • We’re letting the Internet (and Andrew Tate) raise our boys.
    Interested? Read this week’s lead article, “Boy Problems.”

  • We’re afraid to teach our children the truth about our country.
    Interested? Read “War Against the Children.”

  • If we don’t have children, we don’t want to hang around our friends who do.
    Interested? Read “Adorable Little Detonators.”

I hope that this week’s articles resonate with you. If they do, I encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings in the comments.

Leave a comment

⭐️ Join us for this month’s discussion of “The Instagram Account That Shattered A California High School” on Sunday, October 29. We’ll meet from 2:00 to 3:30 pm on Zoom. It’d be great to have you. In this excerpt from her book, Accountable, Dashka Slater tells the story of a racist social media account and its repercussions on young people and their community in the Bay Area. The piece also raises the question: What does it mean to be held accountable for harm that takes place behind a screen?

On the fence? Listen to fellow Article Clubber Melinda and I chat about the piece in this podcast episode. Don’t worry, there aren’t major spoilers, plus Melinda is great. Besides, listening might spur you to sign up for the discussion.

All right, have I convinced you? If so, it’s time to sign up! I’m looking forward to seeing you there. (Also, feel free to ask me questions about how it works.)

Sign up for the discussion

1️⃣ Boy Problems

It’s easy to make fun of Andrew Tate. For example: Why is he always smoking cigars? Why does he wear sunglasses when it’s dark? Does he really need all those cars? For a long time, I’ve tried to dismiss his influence. But the truth is, most 12-year-old boys know who he is. And sadly, many believe what he says — that to be a real man, you have to be strong and rich. Otherwise, you won’t have any chance with women.

Mr. Tate goes further: If you’re not happy, that’s the fault of women. The problem is feminism, plus all those weak guys who claim they want equality, when really they’re gay or emasculated. If you’re a boy and you have feelings, expunge them. If you’re a boy and you’re lonely or struggling, you’ve got to toughen up. The best way to do that is to treat girls badly and to bully other boys.

This guy is reprehensible to me. But I can’t pretend he’s not powerful. He knows the Internet is king, that we have abdicated our role as adults in raising our children.

By Eamon Whalen • Mother Jones • 17 min

Read the article

2️⃣ War Against The Children

This special report about the history of our country’s Native American boarding school system is both difficult and necessary to read. I didn’t learn about the Carlisle Indian Industrial School in my AP U.S. History class. Did you? For more than 150 years, hundreds of thousands of Native American children were sent to more than 523 institutions, with assimilation as their guiding principle. “Don’t try to tell me this wasn’t genocide,” said Ben Sherman, a member of the Oglala Sioux Tribe. “They went after our language, our culture, our family ties, our land. They succeeded on almost every level.” Now that we have a better accounting of what happened, shouldn’t that mean our young people should learn the truth? If you live in one of the 16 states that have banned Critical Race Theory, unfortunately, the answer is no.

By Zach Levitt, Yuliya Parshina-Kottas, Simon Romero and Tim Wallace • The New York Times • 18 mins

Read the article

Here’s loyal reader Clem proudly sporting an old-school, limited-edition T-shirt from back in the day when Article Club was called The Highlighter. Makes me think it’s time for some new merch! (Check out the old store.)

3️⃣ Adorable Little Detonators

Do you have kids? If so, did you notice that some of your closest friends ghosted you a few months right after your baby’s birth?

Or let’s say you don’t have kids. Are your friends with kids never free? Even if they are, all they do is bloviate about their baby, right?

This playful but well-researched article explains why friendships between parents and non-parents go south. The biggest reason? It’s the kids. A 2017 study in the journal Demographic Research concluded that friendships decline in both quantity and quality up until when kids turn 3 years old. But there’s good news: If you stick through it and wait a while, things get easier, kids grow up, and you can salvage your friendships — that is, as long as your friends are still talking to you.

By Allison P. Davis • The Cut • 26 mins

Read the article

Thank you for reading this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 30 new subscribers — including Ruby, Susan, Lara, Saina, Liza, Lorena, Alva, Ines, Lena, Marta, Adriana, Susana, Ana, Carmen, Paula, Raquel, Bryan, Victoria, Fernando, Rosie, and Nena — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (Quinn! Quinton! Quenton!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Hal, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

If you like Article Club, please help it grow. I really appreciate your support. Here are two ways you can help out:

📬 Invite your friends to subscribe. Know someone who’s kind, thoughtful, and loves to read? I’d love it if you encouraged them to subscribe. Word of mouth is by far the best way to strengthen our reading community. Thank you for spreading the word.

Share Article Club

❤️ Become a paid subscriber, like Maria (thank you!). You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value Article Club. Plus you’ll gain access to our monthly discussions, our monthly quiet reading hours, and my personal audio letters from me to you. It’s $5 a month or $36 a year.

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.

#413: The Instagram Account that Shattered a High School

Join us this month to discuss Dashka Slater’s outstanding article on accountability

Happy almost-October, loyal readers. I’m excited to announce that this month, we’ll be reading and discussing “The Instagram Account that Shattered a California High School” by Dashka Slater. It’s a big one, and important, especially if you’re a teenager, educator, or parent. Originally published in The New York Times Magazine in August, the article tells the story of a racist social media account and its repercussions on young people and their community in the Bay Area. The piece also raises the question: What does it mean to be held accountable for harm that takes place behind a screen?

Ms. Slater writes:

The questions that the account raised — about fighting bigotry, about the impacts of social media and about the best way to respond when young people in your community fail so utterly to live up to the values you thought you shared — had no simple answer. Whatever you believed about Albany, about America, about teenagers, racism, sexism, social media, punishment and the public discourse on each of these topics, the story of the Instagram account could be marshaled as evidence. It was the incident that explained everything and yet also the incident that couldn’t be explained.

I instantly connected with the article, not only because I’m an educator in the Bay Area, but also because of Ms. Slater’s riveting prose. Her reporting is spot on; she does an excellent job eliciting the perspectives of the boy who created the account, his friends who laughed and egged him on, the girls who he harmed, the school administrators who had no clue, and the parents who called for blood. I especially appreciated the care and nuance Ms. Slater brought to this piece.

The article also exposes the limitations of our current notions of justice and accountability. We know old-school punishment doesn’t work. It doesn’t heal. It doesn’t teach. But it’s comfortable. It makes us feel we’ve done something to address the harm. But in this piece, Ms. Slater reminds us that the harm is still there, for everyone involved, including the perpetrator.

Read the article

I’d love it if you read the article and joined our discussion on October 29. If you’re interested, this is how things will go:

  • This week, we’ll read the article

  • Next week, we’ll annotate the article as a group and share our first impressions

  • The following week, we’ll hear from Ms. Slater in a podcast interview

  • On Sunday, October 29, 2:00 - 3:30 pm PT, we’ll discuss the article on Zoom

Sign up for the discussion on Oct. 29

This article is adapted from Ms. Slater’s outstanding new book, Accountable: The True Story of a Racist Social Media Account and the Teenagers Whose Lives It Changed. We’ll raffle off a copy at our discussion. In case you don’t win, here’s where you can get your copy.

If this will be your first time participating in Article Club, I’m 100% sure you’ll find that you’ll feel welcome. We’re a kind, thoughtful reading community. Feel free to reach out with all of your questions.

Also exciting, as with all Article Club monthly selections, the author will be participating in the festivities, recording a podcast episode for your listening pleasure. Ms. Slater is an award-winning journalist who has written for The New York Times Magazine and Mother Jones. She is also the author of eleven books of fiction and non-fiction for children and adults. Her New York Times bestselling true crime narrative, The 57 Bus, won the 2018 Stonewall Book Award from the American Library Association and the 2018 Beatty Award from the California Library Association. Ms. Slater has spent most of her adult life in Oakland, California.

So what do you think? Interested in reading the article and joining our discussion this month? Hope so! If you’re still a maybe, here are a few questions for you. If you’re a yes to one or more of them, you‘re a great candidate.

  • Do you care about teenagers? Are you worried about their use of social media?

  • Are you an educator who believes in restorative justice but struggles with how best to hold young people accountable for their actions?

  • Are you a parent who is doing their best but feeling overwhelmed?

Sign up for the discussion on Oct. 29

This article is adapted from Ms. Slater’s outstanding new book, Accountable: The True Story of a Racist Social Media Account and the Teenagers Whose Lives It Changed. We’ll raffle off a copy at our discussion. In case you don’t win, here’s where you can get your copy.

Thank you for reading this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 6 new subscribers — including Angel, Paula, Emily, Marcela, Paula, and Hyeryun — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (Matthew! Matty! Matt!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Reyna, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

If you like Article Club, please help it grow. I really appreciate your support. Here are two ways you can help out:

❤️ Become a paid subscriber, like Brian and Brenda (thank you). If you’ve subscribed for free for a long time, and you appreciate the articles and author interviews, or if you’ve joined one or more discussions, I encourage you to take the leap. You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value the mission of Article Club. Plus you’ll receive surprise perks and prizes. It’s $5 a month or $36 a year.

📬 Invite your friends to subscribe. Know someone who’s kind, thoughtful, and loves to read? I’d love it if you encouraged them to subscribe. Word of mouth is by far the best way to strengthen our reading community. Thank you for spreading the word.

Share Article Club

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.

#412: Look Closely, Or You’ll Miss It

Four great articles on the practice of noticing

Welcome, new subscribers, and welcome back, loyal readers! I’m happy you’re here.

I’ve been told before that I’m a pretty good listener and that I can read people well. Those qualities have helped me in my roles as a teacher and supporter of teachers. But when it comes to noticing the physical environment, I’ve always been at a loss. That “new tree” I recently spotted in the neighborhood? It’s always been there. The name of the bird you saw down by the water’s edge? I couldn’t tell you it was an egret, because I didn’t notice it.

This week’s selections are all about noticing. As is typical for this newsletter, the articles range a variety of topics — from birdwatching to noticing when someone is overdosing on fentanyl, from listening to a kid who has lost a loved one, to being present with yourself when you’ve lost yours. This week’s pieces helped me pause and got me out of my head a little bit. I hope they’re helpful to you, too.

➡️ In your life right now, what are you noticing?

Leave a comment

1️⃣ Look Closely, Or You’ll Miss It

What’s the connection between the Great Migration and the migration of birds? Poet Natalie Rose Richardson explores that question with the help of an ornithologist, an historian, and a journey to the Middleton Plantation in South Carolina. “Until last summer I rarely considered birdwatching at all,” Ms. Richardson writes, calling herself a “city person” who lived near Chicago’s “L” train and who rarely sought out nature. She tries birdwatching one day, in Millennium Park, and finds herself unable to focus. But after researching her family’s migration from Louisiana to Arkansas to Indiana to Illinois, Ms. Richardson begins to connect the dots. She reads an essay by Leslie Jamison about the act of looking. Love, she reads, is focused attention. To love her family, Ms. Richardson reflects, is to center her attention on them, from their origin to their destination, as birdwatching "is “the act of centering the bird in one’s attention.”

By Natalie Rose Richardson • Emergence Magazine • 21 mins

Read the article

2️⃣ The Woman On The Line

Kimber King came close to dying after she overdosed on fentanyl the day after she got out of rehab. She survived because she called Never Use Alone, a hotline and nonprofit that focuses on ending accidental overdose mortality. Its motto is, “No stigma. No judgment. Just love.” This well-written article profiles volunteer Jessica Blanchard, who answered the phone and quickly noticed Kimber was in danger. Her training as a nurse certainly helped, of course. But so did Ms. Blanchard’s intuition and personal experience; her daughter has overdosed 11 times. “When you call,” she said, “my hope is that you’re speaking in print. Nice print, second-grade letters. You’re gonna use, you may move to cursive, you may move to calligraphy. I try to keep you out of the hieroglyphics. I can’t understand that,” she said. The paramedics made it just in time. Kimber calls Ms. Blanchard mama now.

By Aymann Ismail and Mary Harris • Slate • 13 mins

Read the article

Gus, who belongs to loyal reader Rebecca, enjoys being chased around the house and sending intimate moments with his bunny stuffy. He believes that all laps should be available 24/7, that cat toys require human operators, and that consoling head-butts will cure both yelling and uproarious laughter. Nominate your pet to appear here! hltr.co/pets

3️⃣ Notes From Grief Camp

At Camp Erin outside Ontario, you’ll see kids participating in typical summer camp activities: singing songs, climbing the high ropes, jumping in the lake, and roasting s’mores around the campfire. But you’ll also see them talking about their feelings, engaging in sessions to process their grief. At Camp Erin, every camper has experienced the death of a loved one. Trained volunteers and psychotherapists understand that especially for children, grief isn’t always a vast, debilitating ocean. It’s sometimes more like a puddle — something you can jump in and out of. Kids can be devastated one moment, joyful the next. One key tenet is to keep the conversation going. Ultimately, the goal is to meet the kids where they are, to notice.

By Mitchell Consky • The Walrus • 15 mins

Read the article

➡️ If you’re interested in learning more about the work of bereavement camps, I recommend you take a look at Camp Kita, open to children who are survivors of a loved one’s suicide. My friend (and loyal reader) Steven serves on the board.

4️⃣ Decomposition

This is a beautiful piece that you might not want to read because it’s about death. But if you’re in the mood, you’ll be rewarded. Here are Sally Mann’s words:

My father knocked on my door at 6:00 a.m. the next morning to tell me she’d stopped breathing. I went downstairs in my pajamas. The hospital bed was in the living room, near windows that opened out into the backyard. Mom’s head was cocked to the side, her mouth slightly open, eyes closed. The part of her chest above the white V-neck T-shirt she was wearing had a yellow ochre tinge and was, for the first time in sixty-three years, not rising or falling. I touched it. It was still warm.

The others — my sister, my brother, his partner, my husband, and our 16-month-old son — emerged from their respective corners of the house, hugged, cried, laughed, touched Mom’s body, poured cereal. I called the hospice team. By the time the nurse arrived, a cool early-April light had begun to shine into the living room. The nurse herself was a peachy pink, both in color and in demeanor. She pronounced Mom dead at 7:25 a.m. She wished us well and told us to call the mortuary to come collect the body when we were ready to part with it, “no rush.” I appreciated her saying that: It was a rather cozy body to have in the house, even if Mom was no longer in it.

By Sally Mann • Hippocampus • 13 mins

Read the article

Thank you for reading this week’s issue. Hope you liked it. 😀

To our 8 new subscribers — including Mary, Joanna, Rish, Riffi, Beth, Caitlin, and Karen — I hope you find the newsletter a solid addition to your email inbox. To our long-time subscribers (Lorenzo! Lauren! Leo!), you’re pretty great, too. Loyal reader Quince, thank you for sharing the newsletter and getting the word out.

If you like Article Club, please help it grow. I really appreciate your support. Here are two ways you can help out:

❤️ Become a paid subscriber, like Molly and Karen (thank you). If you’ve subscribed for free for a long time, and you appreciate the articles and author interviews, or if you’ve joined one or more discussions, I encourage you to take the leap. You’ll join an esteemed group of readers who value the mission of Article Club. Plus you’ll receive surprise perks and prizes. It’s $5 a month or $36 a year.

📬 Invite your friends to subscribe. Know someone who’s kind, thoughtful, and loves to read? I’d love it if you encouraged them to subscribe. Word of mouth is by far the best way to strengthen our reading community. Thank you for spreading the word.

Share Article Club

On the other hand, if you no longer want to receive this newsletter, please feel free to unsubscribe. See you next Thursday at 9:10 am PT.